IUI #5 Update

I don't have any big plans for this post.  I will simply speak from the heart.  I am 12 days past IUI #5 today and just received my 25th big fat negative.  In 26 cycles, I have never been so sure that I was pregnant. I really let myself get excited this time.

And I don't regret that.  It turns out that it's more fun to get excited and have it end in disappointment than it is to not expect the miracle and still be disappointed.

In these harder days, I try to focus on gratitude. I'm beyond grateful for my precious, spunky, 3 year old sidekick. I'm grateful for phenomenal friends- those who are going through this, who have been through this, and those who haven't, but always send me love. I'm grateful for the quiet hug from my husband this morning. I'm grateful for my hope in Jesus and that He always picks me right back up.

Some of you who read this don't have any children yet. Some of you have much worse medical diagnoses than unexplained secondary infertility. I want you to know that I acknowledge that daily... and not in a way to make myself feel better. I want you to know that I pray for you all who are in my same situation and for those whose circumstances are worse. I pray for your marriages, I pray for peace, love, and comfort, I pray for you to seek Jesus in the darkness, and I pray that you all have the support of those in your circle of family and friends. All of you, dealing with any form of this, will always hold a special place in my heart and in my prayers. I wish nothing but arms full of babies for all of you!  I wish I could be the Oprah of baby miracles. "YOU get a baby and YOU get a baby and YOU get a baby!!"

Moving forward, the plan is to do one more IUI before bringing out the big guns (IVF).  I pray this last IUI gives us our miracle, but I am not putting any more pressure on it than any of the previous IUIs. The only thing I'll be doing any differently is leaning on Him more than I ever have before. I feel like I need Him more than ever. I am craving His presence, His peace, and His comfort.

Thank you for visiting here where I can share my heart with you. Read more great stuff over at the Amateur Nester!